Watching football this evening w/ Joe & there were several commercials for unlimited cell phone use for $69.99 from verizon & at&t.
Alicia: That's just what Verizon said, $69.99. At&t is a copy cat.
Joe: 69.99 a month?
Alicia: Yeah.
Joe: Shit, for that they better be serving lunch with it... shit.

A lot of times when I call Joe answers by saying, "Hey Sonia," because Sonia is this character he likes on a show called Operation Repo. So today I called & he answers...
Joe: Hey Sonia, or Sabina, or Sierra.
Alicia: What are you talking about?
Joe: You know, Sabina or Sabinah or however you say it.
Alicia: Why did that make you think about when you said that. (I really messed up my sentence structure when I was speaking)
Joe: What, are you speaking caucasian ebonics over there or what?

Alicia: Did you watch Real Housewives of Orange County last night?
Joe: Yeah, I watched it.
Alicia: What happened?
Joe: Oh, those gals were a pain in the ass, as usual.

Joe: I've got this g#ddamn corn kernel stuck in my tooth. The son of a b#tch won't come out. I keep jabbing myself in the gums with this toothpick & I ain't makin' any headway. Let me call you back.

30 seconds later

Joe: It wasn't a corn kernel, I pulled it out & looked at it & said, "this ain't no corn kernel, it's a g#ddamn sweet potato skin. "

Joe calls on a commercial break during The Bachelor:

Joe: If I was that guy I'd give those broads sunflowers instead of roses.

When Joe sneezes it's always violent. I know this is gross, but a lot of times he'll sneeze in his hand & there is nastiness. So, he just called & happened to sneeze.... here's the conversation that followed:
Alicia: How's your hand?
Joe: Aw, I sneezed in the paper, that's what I usually do, then I just turn the page.

Warning: may contain uncomfortable material:

Joe: So you know how I fixed the sink in the brown bathroom... I was cleaning out underneath it and I found some female products.
Alicia: Oh, yikes, those must be really old. What are they, pads?
Joe: I don't even know what they are, they're not those skinny tube things, more like a handkerchief.
Alicia: Oh lord, throw them away.
Joe: I also found some kleenex, I never use them, I just use my wrist. You want 'em?

Alicia: You should have seen The Bachelor last night, it was hilarious.

Joe: I flipped to it for a little while. What, like this guy is going to find the woman of his dreams. He's so full of shit. I like to watch Flavor Flav.  He's an idiot.  That stupid watch around his neck.  What do those gals see in him?

over at joe's for dinner, i was cutting up onion for a salad. joe had made french onion soup & some other things.
Joe: That french onion soup needed 2 pounds of onions. That's a lot of onions.
Alicia: Doesn't it burn your eyes to cut up that many onions.
Joe: No, not really.
Alicia: Well you must be an alien.
Joe: An illegal alien? I always thought they were illegal immigrants. Shit, an alien? I thought they were from Juan Mexico. But they must be from some shittin place like Saturn.