Joe: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Alicia: It doesn't matter.
Joe: How bout all you can eat pizza for 3 bucks in Yorkshire?
Alicia: Nah... that sounds like really good quality pizza.
Joe: You get salad & dessert with it. I don't give a shit about quality, it's quantity I'm interested in. I do the 4 by 4.
Alicia: What's that?
Joe: 4 pieces of pizza on 4 plates.

Joe: I tightened up on the nut on the faucet in your basement and then I waited for 10 minutes and it still wasn't leaking.
Alicia: What did you do for 10 minutes, stand there & stare at it to see if it was leaking?
Joe: Yeah, I stuck my eye right up on it. I got back pain now from bending over that long.

Joe: You know, Aldi has toilet paper, 12 double rolls for $5.50. That's about as cheap as you're gonna get it in this day & age. Maybe it's a seasonal item... I doubt it, I mean, people wipe their a$s all year long, don't they?

Watching football this evening w/ Joe & there were several commercials for unlimited cell phone use for $69.99 from verizon & at&t.
Alicia: That's just what Verizon said, $69.99. At&t is a copy cat.
Joe: 69.99 a month?
Alicia: Yeah.
Joe: Shit, for that they better be serving lunch with it... shit.

A lot of times when I call Joe answers by saying, "Hey Sonia," because Sonia is this character he likes on a show called Operation Repo. So today I called & he answers...
Joe: Hey Sonia, or Sabina, or Sierra.
Alicia: What are you talking about?
Joe: You know, Sabina or Sabinah or however you say it.
Alicia: Why did that make you think about when you said that. (I really messed up my sentence structure when I was speaking)
Joe: What, are you speaking caucasian ebonics over there or what?

Alicia: Did you watch Real Housewives of Orange County last night?
Joe: Yeah, I watched it.
Alicia: What happened?
Joe: Oh, those gals were a pain in the ass, as usual.

Joe: I've got this g#ddamn corn kernel stuck in my tooth. The son of a b#tch won't come out. I keep jabbing myself in the gums with this toothpick & I ain't makin' any headway. Let me call you back.

30 seconds later

Joe: It wasn't a corn kernel, I pulled it out & looked at it & said, "this ain't no corn kernel, it's a g#ddamn sweet potato skin. "