I can see clearly

Alicia:  Alright, I'll let you go, you can get back to watching Hard Core Pawn
Joe:  Nah, I ain't watchin' that, I'm watchin' the ball game.  The Cardinals are winning... I think they're winning, I got my glasses on all cock-eyed.  Hell, I might not even be watchin' the Cardinals, I might be watching' Luciano Pavarotti.

Pop a cap in the gas....cap

Joe:  Did you buy your powerball ticket?  I sure hope I win so I can afford a new gas cap.

Alicia:  What?  You lost one again?  How long ago was that when you lost 2 gas caps in one week?

Joe:  Oh yeah, that must have been 2 years ago.  I couldn't believe it.  The first time I lost one was somewhere around Bayless & 55.  I remember I  parked in the emergency lane & walked all the way up & down the entrance ramp looking for the g#ddamn thing.  Couldn't find it, so I just had to buy a new one.  Then a week later I had just went to that wedding out in the country so I needed gas when I got back.  The next morning I noticed the license plate was down & no gas cap.  I thought, "son of a b$tch.  Joe, you idiot."  So I went back up to the gas station & looked around.  I was cussing & bouncing around like a monkey.  The attendant came on the speaker & said, "sir, can I help you."