The mall & shopping

Joe: I was talking to Angie & she told me how there were some nice men's sweaters at the mall. I told her I wasn't interested. She asked where I shop for clothes. I said, "Shop for clothes? Why would I shop for clothes? I got clothes."

Joe's upcoming birthday

Alicia: Gosh, so you'll be 64 coming up on Wednesday. Can you believe it? Just think when you turn 70, that'll be really old. I don't think I'll believe it. Joe: Yeah, I just hope I don't get sick or stupid.

Skinny Jeans

Joe & I went to lunch today: Alicia: See how all these girls wear those skinny jeans? Do you know what those are? Joe: Yeah, I see gals wear those all the time on tours at the Brewery. They're real tight, right? They're like a leotard. Alicia: (long pause)...... yeah, just like a leotard.

Joe & HBO

Alicia: Hey, what are you up to?
Joe: Oh, nuttin' much. I'm gonna watch this Bill Mahr show coming up here soon.
Alicia: Oh yeah, what channel is that on?
Joe: HBO
Alicia: HBO? I thought you just had that as a promotional deal & had to call & cancel this week.
Joe: Well I did, but they got some hustle bullsh#t going on. They talked me into keeping it. To get the cable I used to have, which is Basic & Expanded, it would be more than I'm payin' now w/ the HBO & Cinemax.
I'm gettin' wise to their sh#t. They raise your regular cable to higher than this promotional deal, so your cable is higher than it was originally. So it's cheaper to get it with HBO.
They get you on this merry-go-round of sh#t.

A show at the optometrist

Joe: So I went to get those new glasses today with my new prescription. This suave guy comes out in this tie and starts giving me his lines, trying to sell me all that tint bullsh#t. I thought, I'm going to get this guy's attention. I told him, "Buddy, let me tell you what I want. I want just what I got on my face with new lenses." Then he starts saying I can get the no line bifocals and all this bullsh#t. I told him "you're going to have to sell me a brace or something to keep my head up if I'm going to keep listening to all this." They can fish people in with all that sh#t.
He started to see things my way.

Taxes

Joe: I worked on your taxes today.
Alicia: Did you double check it on Turbo Tax?
Joe: Hell yes, I turbo taxed all over the place.
I don't get it. With turbo tax you still have to input all the numbers, it just calculates it for you. When you do it by hand you just look at the tax tables. It ain't like you got to calculus this & calculus that. That Turbo tax is all bullsh#t.

(To clarify, Joe does not have a computer & he certainly doesn't use Turbo Tax. I was just egging him on. He uses a number 2 pencil and an eraser)