Old person syndrome

Joe:  Yeah, Kathy was okay until she got older, then she got that old person syndrome.  You know, when you have to deal with that repetition and them saying all that stupid sh#t.  Remember that when I get older.

Cold hands, warm heart

Joe:  It's getting cold.  It's pretty cold in the house.  My hands are even starting to get cold.

Alicia:  Oh, are you getting the Raynaud's?

Joe:  Naaa, but I am going to go put on some gloves. 

Alicia:  Ha, ha.  You're kidding, right?  (I never remember him saying his hands are cold, in my whole life... I thought he was making fun of me & my typical cold hands)

Joe:  No, I'm going to go put some on. 

Alicia:  Why don't you just turn the heat on?

Joe:  Nahhh... the thermostat said 58 degrees.  I'll lay low for a while yet.

The perfect pie

Joe:  I was going to use that pie ring you gave me when I was making this pumpkin pie.  The directions for the pie say to line the outside of the pie with aluminum foil, but it's a pain in the ass.

Alicia:  Did the directions really say that?

Joe:  A pain in the ass, no shit.

Critique of Jane Fonda's boyfriend

Joe:  I'm just watching the Golden Globes.  You should see this old guy sitting next to Jane Fonda.  He looks like he's dead.  I was going to call up and see if there's an escapee from Delmar Gardens.

Answering Machine versus Voicemail... the difference... unknown

About 3 years ago I got a message from Joe on my voicemail (cell phone) saying, "Leesha, you there?  Pick me up."  He thought I could hear him live as he was talking, like on an answering machine.  I thought I provided adequate continuing education on the way an answering machine & voicemail differ.

Tonight my phone rang and I couldn't get to it in time to answer.  I saw it was him so I called him back right away (he was leaving me a message on voicemail & clicked over when I called).

Joe:  Could you hear me?
Alicia:  Huh?  I can hear you now, what are you talking about?
Joe:  I was leaving you a message, I thought you could hear me.
Alicia:  Oh no, we're not going through this again, are we?  It doesn't work that way.
Joe:  Well you ain't got that thing programmed right then.

Garage Door

Joe's garage door wasn't working properly.  He even pulled his car right up to the door & still nothing.

Joe:
So, i'm thinkin' the easiest fix would be a "battry."  I looked in my drawer for a 9 volt "battry" since I usually keep spares of each kind.  But, I ain't got one, so I'm looking in all my gadgets I got:  cordless phone, answering machine, nothing takes a 9 volt battry.  I looked in your room thinkin there might be one in grandpa's old stuff.  Here I see a smoke detector box that's never been opened, probably 50 years old.  On the box it says, "comes with brackets, screws" and sure as sh#t, a 9 volt battery.

I put that in and the son of a b#tch worked right away.  I tell ya, I am a technology kind of guy.

I pulled up from work yesterday & pushed the opener  button at the end of the street & the g#ddamn garage door about flew off the tracks.  My porch lights flicked on & off.  Sh#t man, I know some sh#t.

Pissy at channel 9 fundraising

Joe:  I watched Donnybrook tonight.  It was alright but they had some fundraising on there so that old broad with the witch hazel hair was on there asking for donations.  I can't stand that broad.
The one time I watched when they had people in the background answering phones while they were fundraising & these 3 old hags in the third row were talking to each other & laughing & carrying on.  I called into the 1-800 number and told them to tell those gals to take a hike or somethin.'
Then they keep saying the same line over & over about donating money.  I was going to call in & say, "Can't you people find something else to say.  We're not illiterate out here."