Alicia: Hey, what's up?
Joe: Nuttin. I'm just frying up 3 pork chops in bacon grease.
Alicia: Oh, wonderful, sounds healthy.
Joe: I've also got some orange koolaid. But you know, orange koolaid ain't that good. It's not like grape or cherry. It's kind of phony.

anybody know another 62 year old male that drinks orange koolaid?

Joe: So what's the deal with this facebook thing? You can write what you're doing and everyone can see it? I don't get computers. Computers are dumb and people are dumb for using them.

Joe: Hey, there's something else I was going to tell you. You know how I had to call about that federal jury duty tonight after 5:00?
Alicia: uh huh
Joe: It was an automated system & it said "if the first 3 letters of your last name are 'H E R'" which they are
Alicia: oh really? they are? how bout that.
Joe: So anyway, i got that taken care of.
Alicia: any other good information, like the last 4 letters of your last name?
Joe: oh, you don't know that? ..... i'm outta here. see ya.

joe: alright, i gotta go. i don't have time for this bullshit, i gotta watch muhammad ali.

Joe: "Man, I'm stuttering, I've got the heecups."
Alicia: "The what?"
Joe: "Heecups."
Alicia: "So if a female gets them are they 'sheecups'"

he has called hiccups "heecups" for as long as i can remember. and headache is "headik"

Joe: Man, it's cold. I'm sitting here in my sweat shirt, sweat pants, and my footies. These g*ddamn footies got more holes than they do material. I like 'em, though.

Joe: I think I'll get up early on Sunday morning & surprise Terry (joe's friend recently diagnosed with cancer) at mass. He'll appreciate that.
Alicia: You sure are a nice guy.
Joe: No shitski.