Joe: Hey, there's something else I was going to tell you. You know how I had to call about that federal jury duty tonight after 5:00?
Alicia: uh huh
Joe: It was an automated system & it said "if the first 3 letters of your last name are 'H E R'" which they are
Alicia: oh really? they are? how bout that.
Joe: So anyway, i got that taken care of.
Alicia: any other good information, like the last 4 letters of your last name?
Joe: oh, you don't know that? ..... i'm outta here. see ya.

joe: alright, i gotta go. i don't have time for this bullshit, i gotta watch muhammad ali.

Joe: "Man, I'm stuttering, I've got the heecups."
Alicia: "The what?"
Joe: "Heecups."
Alicia: "So if a female gets them are they 'sheecups'"

he has called hiccups "heecups" for as long as i can remember. and headache is "headik"

Joe: Man, it's cold. I'm sitting here in my sweat shirt, sweat pants, and my footies. These g*ddamn footies got more holes than they do material. I like 'em, though.

Joe: I think I'll get up early on Sunday morning & surprise Terry (joe's friend recently diagnosed with cancer) at mass. He'll appreciate that.
Alicia: You sure are a nice guy.
Joe: No shitski.