Joe: I was going to use that pie ring you gave me when I was making this pumpkin pie. The directions for the pie say to line the outside of the pie with aluminum foil, but it's a pain in the ass.
Alicia: Did the directions really say that?
Joe: A pain in the ass, no shit.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Critique of Jane Fonda's boyfriend
Joe: I'm just watching the Golden Globes. You should see this old guy sitting next to Jane Fonda. He looks like he's dead. I was going to call up and see if there's an escapee from Delmar Gardens.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Answering Machine versus Voicemail... the difference... unknown
About 3 years ago I got a message from Joe on my voicemail (cell phone) saying, "Leesha, you there? Pick me up." He thought I could hear him live as he was talking, like on an answering machine. I thought I provided adequate continuing education on the way an answering machine & voicemail differ.
Tonight my phone rang and I couldn't get to it in time to answer. I saw it was him so I called him back right away (he was leaving me a message on voicemail & clicked over when I called).
Joe: Could you hear me?
Alicia: Huh? I can hear you now, what are you talking about?
Joe: I was leaving you a message, I thought you could hear me.
Alicia: Oh no, we're not going through this again, are we? It doesn't work that way.
Joe: Well you ain't got that thing programmed right then.
Tonight my phone rang and I couldn't get to it in time to answer. I saw it was him so I called him back right away (he was leaving me a message on voicemail & clicked over when I called).
Joe: Could you hear me?
Alicia: Huh? I can hear you now, what are you talking about?
Joe: I was leaving you a message, I thought you could hear me.
Alicia: Oh no, we're not going through this again, are we? It doesn't work that way.
Joe: Well you ain't got that thing programmed right then.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Garage Door
Joe's garage door wasn't working properly. He even pulled his car right up to the door & still nothing.
Joe:
So, i'm thinkin' the easiest fix would be a "battry." I looked in my drawer for a 9 volt "battry" since I usually keep spares of each kind. But, I ain't got one, so I'm looking in all my gadgets I got: cordless phone, answering machine, nothing takes a 9 volt battry. I looked in your room thinkin there might be one in grandpa's old stuff. Here I see a smoke detector box that's never been opened, probably 50 years old. On the box it says, "comes with brackets, screws" and sure as sh#t, a 9 volt battery.
I put that in and the son of a b#tch worked right away. I tell ya, I am a technology kind of guy.
I pulled up from work yesterday & pushed the opener button at the end of the street & the g#ddamn garage door about flew off the tracks. My porch lights flicked on & off. Sh#t man, I know some sh#t.
Joe:
So, i'm thinkin' the easiest fix would be a "battry." I looked in my drawer for a 9 volt "battry" since I usually keep spares of each kind. But, I ain't got one, so I'm looking in all my gadgets I got: cordless phone, answering machine, nothing takes a 9 volt battry. I looked in your room thinkin there might be one in grandpa's old stuff. Here I see a smoke detector box that's never been opened, probably 50 years old. On the box it says, "comes with brackets, screws" and sure as sh#t, a 9 volt battery.
I put that in and the son of a b#tch worked right away. I tell ya, I am a technology kind of guy.
I pulled up from work yesterday & pushed the opener button at the end of the street & the g#ddamn garage door about flew off the tracks. My porch lights flicked on & off. Sh#t man, I know some sh#t.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Pissy at channel 9 fundraising
Joe: I watched Donnybrook tonight. It was alright but they had some fundraising on there so that old broad with the witch hazel hair was on there asking for donations. I can't stand that broad.
The one time I watched when they had people in the background answering phones while they were fundraising & these 3 old hags in the third row were talking to each other & laughing & carrying on. I called into the 1-800 number and told them to tell those gals to take a hike or somethin.'
Then they keep saying the same line over & over about donating money. I was going to call in & say, "Can't you people find something else to say. We're not illiterate out here."
The one time I watched when they had people in the background answering phones while they were fundraising & these 3 old hags in the third row were talking to each other & laughing & carrying on. I called into the 1-800 number and told them to tell those gals to take a hike or somethin.'
Then they keep saying the same line over & over about donating money. I was going to call in & say, "Can't you people find something else to say. We're not illiterate out here."
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Priorities
Joe: I just bought some new dress shirts but I'm not wearing one to the funeral on Friday. I don't wanna be rushin' around to iron the shirt.
Alicia: Oh, rushing around. You don't have 10 minutes tomorrow to iron a shirt?
Joe: My time is limited, you know? I gotta prioritize my bullshit time.
Alicia: Oh, rushing around. You don't have 10 minutes tomorrow to iron a shirt?
Joe: My time is limited, you know? I gotta prioritize my bullshit time.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Joe's post- knee replacement insomnia.
Voicemail I got from Joe:
Leesha, it's dad. Hey, uh, sometime today when you're running around, if you & Lloyd come out here for the football game, pick me up some sleeping pills, will ya?
Slept good until about 2:00, woke up, had to go to the bathroom, could not go back to sleep, could not go back to sleep. So I laid there until about 5, got up & took 2 ibuprofen, for some reason, I don't even know what the hell I did that for, I thought, "shit, I'll take some cyanide pills I guess, if I thought they would do some good for somethin.'" But, uh, my time is off, cuz I just woke up now. So I don't even know when I fell back asleep. Everything's just out of whack. Pick me up somethin.' You'll figure it out.
Leesha, it's dad. Hey, uh, sometime today when you're running around, if you & Lloyd come out here for the football game, pick me up some sleeping pills, will ya?
Slept good until about 2:00, woke up, had to go to the bathroom, could not go back to sleep, could not go back to sleep. So I laid there until about 5, got up & took 2 ibuprofen, for some reason, I don't even know what the hell I did that for, I thought, "shit, I'll take some cyanide pills I guess, if I thought they would do some good for somethin.'" But, uh, my time is off, cuz I just woke up now. So I don't even know when I fell back asleep. Everything's just out of whack. Pick me up somethin.' You'll figure it out.
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